Please don't close them straits!

Egads, this really seems like the worst possible time for another Mideast war. Or is that always the case? "Crisis, schmisis!" Iran is, after all, a signatory to the Non-proliferation treaty, and Israel isn't. Obviously there is a need for something other than the West's usual brinkmanship... How about diplomacy, INSTEAD!?! As f*cked up as the Iranian Government is, Iran never overthrew OUR democratically-elected government. Iran never armed and equipped repressive secret police, at the cost of thousands of US lives lost. But all those things were done to Iranians by America. This whole situation calls for the most delicate sort of negotiation...

Turkey!

I'm going to have a good Thanksgiving for one reason and one reason only: I enjoy "Pigging Out." I am a binge glutton, and I intend to partake of the numerous opportunities to get disgustingly full of food. Otherwise, it's a loathsome holiday which I would never "celebrate." If it weren't for how much I love November and its crisp, clear (and well above-average temperature this year) weather, I think I might become clinically depressed for the entire day.

Gridlock

Stupor-Committee's failure to reach an agreement got you down? Don't worry too much about the resulting nose-dive on global stock markets. It's all an inevitable consequence of living through the End of the North American Empire. Personally, it's been several months since I suffered from the irritating delusion that I can change things for the better. Time to learn Mandarin, and remember that sometimes you just gotta "let it go."

Great turnout Saturday for the "Recall Walker Kickoff Rally" on Capitol Square, Madison WI. Reminiscent of the humongous demos back in February and March. Not sure how many were in attendance, but various local sources estimated 40,000. I've also heard in the mainstream media news that the "Recall Scott Walker" forces had already gathered more than 105,000 signatures, even before the Weekend's big event! Despite all the RepubliCONs' dirty tricks, it's hard to envision how the recall process will not be initiated come January. Now we just need a viable Democratic candidate, with statewide appeal!
I sure hope Russ Feingold changes his mind and jumps into the race. We need him, and the simple fact he wants his life back after 18 long years in the senate is no excuse for him to stay out of it, LOL!

Happy Veteran's Day!

It is, how shall I put it, distressing. The loss of millions of "foreign" lives fails to make them indignant. The permanent mutilation of children by napalm and white phosphorous goes eternally unnoticed. The destruction of entire cities in multiple firestorms, atomic and/or conventional, fails to elicit as much as a "tsk tsk." The unspeakable environmental damage, not just to humans, but to the very flora and fauna doesn't even provoke a simple shrug of the shoulders. But they'll actually riot if their favorite football coach gets sacked for cause!

Goddamn the Hypochristians!

What OUTRAGE will Christian criminals commit next? We've already heard about the Jesus administration shipping weapons to the Satan Regime in Fort Smith Arkansas. Now it turns out God has been passing laws making the death penalty mandatory for certain crimes, as long as those sentences are carried out in his Holey name. Have I told you yet on a sunny Sunday how much a I HATE these people, these rancid HypoChristians! Jesus Christ almighty! Anyway, just foolin' around here; I don't mind one bit if these credulous types wanna worship a nice Jewish boy!

Raising Cain

Did you hear Herman Cain the other day, commenting in the wake of the sexual harrassment charges leveled against him by no less than five women? "I have NEVER done ANYTHING inappropriate in my life." Wow, we need to re-name him "Saint Herman." Hell, I'd never make such an across-the-board, obviously false statement! I surely DID lie to my teachers, starting in Kindergarten!

Walker the champion hypocrite

We already knew Walker was a liar: during the 2010 gubernatorial campaign the prospective governor omitted all mention of his determination to do away with collective bargaining. We already knew Walker was a conniving dirty trickster, thanks to the "Buffalo Beast" blogger, who revealed that Walker - by his own admission - had considered possibly criminal activities. Scotty plotted sending in "troublemakers" to disrupt a peaceful crowd protesting outside the Capitol last Winter. We knew that Walker is in the pocket of Koch Industries, the US Chamber of Commerce and Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce (WMC), and that he's dead-set on robbing and ruining the people of Wisconsin. But Walker's initial failure to contribute more to his own pension plan - until he was "busted" - was not only a LIE, it rises to the the level of pathological. To say nothing in terms of sheer, unadulterated hypocrisy; with Republican prevaricators like Scott Walker, it's strictly "Do as I say, not as I do." Kind of reminds one of eight years ago, when Rush Limbaugh was clamoring to incarcerate more drug offenders, shortly before Limbaugh was caught sending out his housekeeper to score him more oxycontin. Oh, and it turns, not surprisingly, that Rebecca Kleefisch is also a liar and hypocrite of the first order.

Support your local jobless youth!

The unelected George W. Bush regime destroyed the American economy. And aside from a limited and insufficient economic stimulus during the first two years of his presidency, Barack Obama has done little for middle class, working class and poor Americans, i.e., us 99%. The motivation for Occupy Wall Street stems from very real and tangible causes. The big investment banks like Bank of America and fraudulent subprime mortgage companies like Rick Perry's disastrously discredited "Countrywide," played an obscene and palpably criminal role in precipitating the Real Estate Meltdown of 2007. All those contaminated "Collateralized Debt Obligations," and other derivatives you see, which in turn contributed to the crash of Lehman Brothers in Summer 2008, which led in turn to the Wall Street crash of September 29, 2008, when the Dow tanked 700 points in one terrifying day's losses. Trillions of dollars of Americans' hard-earned investment income was lost in one fell swoop, due to the unbridled greed and avarice of the Billionaire Crowd. All of which - and much more corporate malfeasance besides - led to the shedding of 700,000 US jobs monthly for several months in late 2008 and early 2009. And official unemployment has remained stubbornly around 9-10% for many, many months. So it should scandalize nobody that young people especially have had enough. Something had to give, even among a populace that has been inured to injustice for more than thirty years. Even American citizens, as presently unaccustomed to protesting the massive unfairness of it all, finally had to get out the pitchforks, so to speak. I'm thrilled that folks are occupying Wall Street. Hopefully, Occupy Wall Street, and all its myriad branches represents the beginning of a struggle to attain the quality of life that people who "work hard and play by the rules" (as Bill Clinton so eloquently put it) fully deserve.

The Crackdown in Our Town

We're experiencing a protracted police state crackdown here in Madison. Every day brings news of some new authoritarian development; for example, the drug-sniffing police dogs now allowed to patrol Madison's public middle and high schools. If the supposed heroin epidemic that is now troubling Madison is really so dire, there are rational solutions. We must work toward easing/eliminating penalties for possession of controlled substances, and treat addiction as the medical and social problem that it really is. From a Civil Liberties perspective, "The War on Drugs" is a miserable failure that has eroded a wide range of our freedoms. America's drug war is only something worthy of public support if one unwisely supports criminalizing sick people. Yes, addicts often end up forced to steal in order to survive. Escalating the use of totalitarian practices that figures such as Police Chief Noble Wray and Alderman Mike Verveer prefer is not a sane way of dealing with an alleged increase in "Street Crime." It's all too clear our society no longer extends the presumption of innocence to its citizenry, and hasn't for a LONG time, if it ever DID. As for Marijuana, just LEGALIZE IT!

Give generously to your favorite "subversive" organization!

I've increased my annual contribution to the American Civil Liberties Union from a paltry $30 (basic membership) to $120. Couldn't have upped the ante at a more crucial time. America is either turning totally totalitarian, or it's already too late for the USA to make such a transformation, and we are REALLY living Orwell's nightmare. Anyway, I would also contribute to the Electronic Freedom Foundation, Planned Parenthood and the Freedom From Religion Foundation, but one can afford only so much philanthropy, eh?

More specifically...

BOYCOTT Koch Industries! That means: BOYCOTT Georgia-Pacific, BOYCOTT Stainmaster Carpet, BOYCOTT Dixie, BOYCOTT Quilted Northern, BOYCOTT Angel Soft, BOYCOTT Brawny, BOYCOTT Soft n' Gentle, BOYCOTT Mardi Gras, BOYCOTT Vanity Fair, and BOYCOTT Sparkle. In Europe, BOYCOTT Lotus, BOYCOTT Colhogar, BOYCOTT Tenderly, BOYCOTT Delica and BOYCOTT Demak'Up. Check out: Kochbrothersexposed.com!

Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there ain't no rich no more!

The rich are currently paying the lowest share of their income in taxes since 1928. Tax the lazy, parasitical, dividends-earning rich to extinction. Corporate America is just sitting on at least a trillion dollars of pure profit, probably much more. It's time for those greedy Corporate swine to start hiring! Occupy Wall Street! Occupy Main Street! Take the RICH off corporate welfare! And those Banksters, CEO's and their managerial underlings damn well better start making loans to those in need and hiring the masses of unemployed, or there really WILL be hell to pay.

BOYCOTT, revisited.

BOYCOTT Northwest Airlines, American Airlines, United, Southwest, Jet Blue, Delta, Midwest Express and all the rest of the airline industry. Like it or not, inconvenient truth or otherwise, these Criminal corporations are operating hand-in-lead-lined-glove with the TSA and its perverted, groping, Zap-scanning totalitarian tactics. Remember, 1956's Montgomery Bus Boycott shunned the local bus company, too!

BOYCOTT.

BOYCOTT Monsanto. BOYCOTT Wal-Mart. BOYCOTT Pepsi Cola. BOYCOTT Home Despot. BOYCOTT ALCOA. BOYCOTT Starbucks. BOYCOTT McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's. BOYCOTT British Airways. BOYCOTT Toyota, Hyundai and Ford. BOYCOTT Exxon-Mobil, Chevron, Shell and BP. BOYCOTT Farcebook and Myspace! Well now, I know you need to buy gasoline, so buy it at CITGO instead. Support the Venezuelan People!

1979

I can remember back when we only had 250,000 locked up in prison, nationwide! And we had a helluva lot more employed in manufacturing than the present pathetic figure of nine million! Those people need jobs out there, Mr. President. What were you thinking when you made your latest speech! (Nobody even takes him seriously anymore.) Tea Bagging Bozos and other Repubs? Batshit Crazy!!

Boycott Coca Cola.

Though China's become the world's factory, due to a combination of historical circumstance, linguistic imperialsm and the information economy, English is now THE World Language. Must also have to do with the fact it's so infernally time consuming to learn a sufficent number (tens of thousands) of ideographs. For us foreigners, anyway, I think the Chinese writing system is an impediment on some level. Then there are some other potential International Languages. Some are "too tough" gramatically... German, Russian, for example. Arabic is fraught with much linguistic complexity and a difficult script. French is hard to pronounce for many billions of non-French. As if by by default, Americanese and British have become what the World settled on for a huge amount of its international discourse. May we live in interesting times! Not saying English and it's dialects is (are) the "Best" language, either. English can be damn tricky! Am I "off-base?" "Off-base." That expression appears to be unique to English? Much of our "Official English" orthography - the way the language is WRITTEN - is approximately 400 years obsolete. Much of the current spelling more accurately reflects the pronunciations of "Elizabethan" England. Good Gawd, did I spell it right? Disagree?
Feel free to tell me.... OFF.

Is there a difference? Fascism vs. The National Security State.

Why is America turning Fascist? Because highly influential reactionaries have the enormous resources of the super-rich and the Main Stream Media at their disposal. Thus, it's very revealing to talk to people at a free community meal; many of them are as poor as it gets in America. Yet out of ignorance or spite -maybe a bit of both - they spend a disproportionate amount time and energy attacking people they
consider just beneath, or perhaps slightly ABOVE, their own level of misery. It's so much more common in the wider society to demonize the powerless than to confront the mega-crimes of the billionaire class, and this is reflected in the "rhetoric" propagated by all classes. Such attacks are SO widespread among the poor and wretched themselves! The brainwashing has been incredibly successful; historically speaking, why wouldn't it be, with the all-powerful tools of newspapers, television, right-wing talk radio and now the toxic, tea-bag-grade bloggers? The persistent, often insidious but always omnipresent ultra-conservative messages transmitted through "education," conditioning, even downright brainwashing, do not fall on deaf ears!

I have firsthand experience of the victim-blaming so common in American society. I refer to the scapegoating that occurs every single day; it's practiced by the rich; by all strata of the shrinking "Middle Class;" and indeed, among the poor and downtrodden. This is going to take a while to expound, as there is so much victim-blaming to address. Just take the usual conflicts within the low-income population: I often hear and witness the poor attacking each other verbally and physically, particularly at the free meals I attend. Whether it's "inter-racial" conflict between say, Blacks and Whites or between Whites and Mexicans, this is so pathetically common. Of course, there is probably even more "intra-racial" strife among the lower socio-economic demographic, conflict between Whites vs. Whites, Blacks vs. Blacks, etc. In any case, it often begins like this: Someone "looks at somebody the wrong way." Or sombody mocks someone else for speaking a "foreign language;" soon enough, the insults, threats and often enough fists start flying. It's so much more convenient, you see, to blame ones economic, social-status obsessed, or just plain ethnically bigoted preoccupations on the nearest target of opportunity. Like Caesar said, "Divide and Conquer." And the ruling elite has successfully divided and pitted against itself the "unwashed masses" for millenia.

Badger Harold's commentator is mistaken.

http://badgerherald.com/oped/2011/09/15/inflammatory_politic.php#add

Oh, really, Mr. Lindsay? Bush did nothing to warrant his impeachment? How about starting a thoroughly illegal, "pre-emptive" war of aggression, utilizing a cynical campaign of lies and deception? The Iraq war, that is. You know, the war that has killed, with no good cause, AT LEAST 600,000 Iraqis. The same Iraq War, which, according to Noble Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz, will end up costing the US Treasury over Three Trillion dollars:http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=87801279

Such crimes against humanity and against fiscal sanity easily rank up there with the transgressions of Richard Milhous Nixon, who resigned the office in 1974 rather than face his own all-but-certain impeachment. So, Spencer, you think it's inexcusable to liken George W. Bush to a Nazi: but the fact remains Bush's 2003 attack against Baghdad strongly resembled - to a point - Hitler's 1939 attack against a relatively weak, hapless Poland. In 2002-2003, Bush engaged in a similarly Hitlerian campaign of demonization against Iraq, making it out to be a threat to the US all out of proportion to the facts on the ground. In fact, despite the NON-EXISTENT Weapons of Mass Destruction that Bush cited as justification for "Operation Iraqi Freedom," Iraq actually posed us no threat whasoever. Yet Bush and his Neocon minions lied through their teeth in order to facilitate a protracted war that has ONLY benefited criminally corporate entitites like the (Dick Cheney-connected) Halliburton and Blackwater. Perhaps, in order to get a proper idea of what warrants a chief executive's removal from office, you should read John Nichols' excellent "The Genius of Impeachment," the book was written specifically with George W. Bush's massive crimes in mind:

http://www.amazon.com/Genius-Impeachment-Founders-Cure-Royalism/dp/1595581405

Just what, in your estimation Mr. Lindsay, would it TAKE to warrant impeachment for such war criminals? Need I mention Abu Ghraib as well?

White Man's burden and Manifest Destiny

‎"We have but room for one Language here and that is the English language, for we intend to see that the crucible turns our people out as Americans of American nationality and not as dwellers in a polyglot boardinghouse."
-Theodore Roosevelt
This, coming from the president of one century ago, is not surprising. But what is currently so tragic is that the United States persisits in such a xenophobic, parochial and counter-productive attitude. This nation would benefit enormously from a sensible recognition that a far larger number of us should be fluent in Spanish, French, German, Russian, Japanese, Chinese and scores of other idioms. We do indeed speak our version of English - Americanese - and it is the preeminent Global tongue... for now. But as every other commentator and her father-in-law never tires of reminding us, we're in a Globalized scenario now. We need to pick up on what the world has to say, and not just in our habitual, half-assed, monolingual way.

What would Dr. King think?

I'd like to comment on the aesthetics of the newly unveiled Martin Luther King Statue. Did you ever ONCE see a photo of Dr. King with his arms crossed, in a rather defensive, even slightly "Tough Guy" stance? Probably not. That wasn't MLK Jr's typical pose, at all. He was much more likely to have his arms outstretched, imploring, gesticulating, preaching. But my main point is, even as this sociopathic American society goes nuts memorializing people and events - The "Freedom Tower" in NYC, the King Memorial on the Mall in DC, etc. - the whole aspirational edifice that Dr. King sought valiantly to construct is being thwarted or dismantled. Take just one example: the "Voter ID" phenomenon, a "solution in search of a problem." I believe MLK Jr. would be appalled at the current state of affairs.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

Contrary to the ignorant rantings of Tea Baggers and Scott Walkerites, public school teachers don't just "lounge around." They are NOT overpaid. Teachers work HARD, and are clearly inadequately rewarded for their sweat and travail. They're quite unlike the parasitical dividends-earning class that has succeeded in destroying America's economy! Support teachers, and take the Rich OFF Corporate Welfare!

Live in Hell, rent out Texas!

What we've been seeing here, since Scott Walker took office, is the Texanization of Wisconsin. A place where the Unions, who brought us the Weekend and the 8-hour day, are anathema to much of the populace. A place where the child poverty rate skyrockets; Texas has just about the highest percentage of children in poverty of any state. A governor who denies the reality of human-caused climate change,
even as Rick Perry's hellhole hometown broils in the worst drought in over 50 years, with the driest July on record. I reckon one very likely reason the misanthropic Houston billionaire Charles Koch has his beady eye on the Badger State is the Yellow Rose of Texas has withered terribly in the widespread desertification. Thieves like the Kochs, George W. Bush and Rick Perry definitely covet our comparatively vast freshwater resources, that much is a certainty. They cast their greedy glance northward to the Great Lakes region with marked envy: Texas is rapidly becoming unlivable, (considerably?) sooner than the Northland.

Cameron, Sarko and Obama are Liars and War Criminals

I'm certainly not unmindful of the killings of "his own people" (as opposed to America's killings of "Those People" in Iraq and Afghanistan) carried out by Gadhafi. I just don't believe in the "right" of the US Military to intervene anywhere and everywhere it defines it's "Interests" to be at stake. Nor do I believe the US has the moral right to occupy 140 countries with more than 700 military bases.
And, though I am far less knowledgeable about the global legal scene, many observers far more lettered than myself have characterized a lengthy list of US military strikes as clear violations of international law. Noam Chomsky comes to mind.
I relish bringing up the illegality of all US interventions since 1945 mainly in order to add yet more weight to my anti-war position. It never ceases to amaze, the humungous percentage of Americans who are unaware of Congress's specified war-making powers. It's SO satisfying to find the majority of said people are unable to refute THAT argument. You will often be met with apparently befuddled, even embarrassed silence from them.
But there is more. I certainly don't approve of a whole lot of statutes on the books these days. I would like to see each and every prohibition against controlled substances eliminated; they do more harm, by far, than good. But when it comes to the conduct of the world's only Ueberpower, I stongly believe The US Constitution and International Law have their rightful place. I was very much in favor, for example, of the World Court's 1986 ruling, when it found the US in violation for its support of the Contras and the mining of Nicaraguan harbors. Of course I realize that court in The Hague had no EFFECTIVE jurisdiction, but those on the correct side of an issue often have only their moral authority.

I'll take my desperation LOUD, thank you.

The "Average American" thinks itself superior if it adheres rigidly, tenaciously, to its own dull brand of cultural conformity, of both perception and purpose. The Average American regards itself socially significant if it possesses a "better" $4000bicycle, $60,000 car or $850,000 house. The "Typical American" conflates the casual bonhomie and mundane "wisdom" obtained at its favorite bar with some wondrous, enviable, "well-adjusted" state of gregarious bliss. The "Normal American," finding you occupationally challenged, almost invariably recommends you "do what I do." If it's a carpenter, it will encourage you to be a carpenter. If it works with computers, well you ought to be a highly-compensated nerd, too. Such is their usual level of self-absorption, their utter lack of imagination and empathy. The "Standard-Bearing" American, especially if it's a Young American, is vastly more skilled at debating which musical genre is more worthy, rather than arguing politics, history or religion. Never even mind scientific controversy! They're far too thrilled and defensive about their own willful ignorance to debate anything important. More often than not, the music they defend - to absurd, sometimes even lethal lengths - is by some jerk who screams out in agonized, permanent constipation. Or somebody wailing in a contrived "countrified" twang, or by a machine that generates a perfectly cadenced, mind-mumbing BOOM BOOM.

The "Good, Patriotic" American is generally incapable, in a true sense, of seeking its own self-interest, but can be counted on to support intensely destructive and expensive military intervention - in countries of which it is astonishingly cluless, and where Americans have no business even BEING. Oops, I digressed already; returning to the clown-like American's festishistic material obsession, it is most often NOT satisfied to be an immensely boring collector of THINGS. It finds it necessary to raise eyebrows at anyone who doesn't share its vaunted preoccupation with acquistion for the mere sake of HAVING. Possession for possession's sake gives its "Life" meaning. I suppose, in several notable ways, I too am an Average American. Hopefully, in most respects, I'm NOT. I guess many other affluent "Peoples" share the same fabuously American traits; Style Over Substance. Of course, where there IS any Substance, one might be excused for preferring to contemplate the Style. So I confess: I get a perverse, not completely admirable satisfaction at raising a complex Global or Domestic issue. I love to watch its eyes glaze, just before it flees to the nearest rest room. But you must give credit where it's due; the Average American is a very upbeat, optimistic, positive CREATURE.

A dream remembered.

Dan Goldstein
's dream, March 31, 2011: Flying on a jet from... somewhere to Madison. But after arrival, it was obvious I was back in Florida. The palm trees were right there on the golf course I was strolling by. At one point I was in Tavernier, a small town just past Key Largo as you head SW from Miami to Key West. Anyway, the Overseas Hoighway expands from two lanes to four there, and I sought a safe place to cross the road. Oops, backtracking now... when I was in the 757 at cruising altitude, and even as the plane entered its descent, I felt only a mild sense of unease. But my subconscious conveniently omitted the rather unpleasant business of LANDING, which I dread. Once I was back on Terra Firma, I found lodgings. The house was an old Victorian, with a creek flowing right into its facade, maybe even through the building. This house was like many in my dreams: I needed to traverse the rooms of other people to get to my own room.
Outside, the creek leading to this solitary house was littered with plastic bottles. Next thing I know, I was sitting with a group of "Rainbow Gathering"-type "Hippies." I was telling them about where I stayed in Amsterdam two decades ago, ...and my favorite Dutch cafe. Suddenly, a cop car pulls up and we begin to scatter. The cop gets out and (very friendly, actually) starts to harass us about the joint we WEREN'T passing around. I mean, this was a DREAM, so I would have had a puff it it was available). Well, there was no basis for any arrest, so we were all free to go. Then I'm at some Japanese airport, on top of a terminal or other building. Someone else and I are trying to get a bus to SOMEWHERE.
The moral of this story? YOU CAN STILL GET AWAY SCOTT FREE, but ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS!!

Trombone Sailing

TROMBONE SAILING (Autumn 1975)
“That fat f*cker Mr. Purdy!”
Johnny Trashcan was stage-whispering.
“Should we really be saying stuff like that here outside the door, J.T?” asked Paul Dieter querulously.
“Oh, that S.O.B, that lunatic…” continued Johnny.
He and his closest grade school chum were standing in the hall, outside the music room.
“You’re only in Sixth Grade, Paul; you don’t know what he’s LIKE. Ever seen a trombone go sailing?”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Paul was dumbfounded.
“You shoulda been there. One day he tells the class: “I’m going to the office for five minutes, and I expect you all to remain quiet while I’m gone.”
“’Yes Mr. Purdy,’ we chanted in unison. Well, I admit I started it by squawking on my alto sax. Soon everybody joined in. Total chaos, and obviously Mr. Purdy could hear us just fine; the office is about 50 feet away,” Johnny snickered.
“Uh huh?” Paul was clearly interested and amused.
“OK, so all of a sudden Purdy rips open the door and rushes in. His face is PURPLE, and he’s heading right AT me with fists clenched; I was sure it was all OVER. But at the last moment, he rips Steve Leslie’s trombone right out of his hands. Know what he did next?”
“What?” Paul Dieter was riveted.
“The fat bastard THREW that horn across the room. It crashed against the cinderblock wall, above the windows, lucky for him! It sorta crumpled to the floor, the slide badly bent. Steve was probably more shocked than me, especially after ‘Purdo’ told him he still had to play that instrument, damaged as it was. I only realized later why he didn’t grab and toss my saxophone; it was connected to me with a strap, and he might have broke my neck if he tried that. F*cker ain’t totally crazy, at least. “
“Jesus Christ!” Paul sputtered.
“Anyway,” J.T. continued, “Mr. Purdy gave me a totally insane look; the veins on his head were bulging. ‘Little kids who are told to keep quiet need to obey their teachers,’ he hissed. Almost pissed my pants. But at least he didn’t KILL me…”
Johnny recalls thirty-five years later: “Man, do I ever regret insulting him. Because shortly after I slandered him and incited Paul Dieter, Purdy approached us in Study Hall. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I could hear the pain in his voice when he said, 'I never talked that way about YOU, Johnny.' Poor Sylvester Purdy. A dimly-understood, hugely talented virtuoso. Far as I know, he was proficient on ALL the brass, all the woodwinds, all the percussion, and strings as well. He once played us a recording of Stevie Wonder’s ‘You Are the Sunshine of My Life.’ At first, none of us believed him when he identified himself as the vocalist. Absolutely professional; his rendition was PERFECT.
True, Purdy chucked the trombone. Rumor also had it he got upset one day and smashed Doug Ruud’s cornet on the floor. But he TRUSTED me. Used to let me stay after school with a key to the classroom, alone. He must have known I didn’t just practice the sax; I went into the cabinets and fiddled with the Sousaphone, Bassoon, Bass Clarinet and Baritone Horn. Had some amazing musical experiences, never to be repeated. In a way, I LOVED that man.”

We dedicate this story to “Sylvester Purdy,” Pearson Middle School Teacher extraordinaire. He remains a living testament to the close proximity in which genius and madness reside.

"Schmuck," continued. "Inauguration Day."

Johnny was a bit of an enigma when one even took the time to notice him. A voracious reader when he hadn't smoked too many joints, he was removed from Lester Pearson Middle School one semester early. Superintendent Cowan Boyle himself had to give the OK, after Johnny passed a series of "headshrinker puzzles" with flying colors. J.T. had been pretty much truant for more than a year already the day he strolled into Pearson, to announce he'd been given permission to take his leave by the "Education" chief himself. It was January 20, 1977, and Jimmy Carter's inauguration as US President was being televised in Study Hall. "Why are they watching that bullshit," J.T. wondered. His outstanding memory of the day is talking with Reeve Robertson, who was the coolest, kindest, most gentle and understanding teacher in the whole world. "I'm retreating," said Johnny. "How can you retreat when you never even tried your best to advance?" "Well, whatever, Mr. Robertson..."
Some questions are beyond the scope of an adolescent. Why indeed?
"Because, for some reason I learned more hiding out in my closet reading books like 'God's Own Junkyard,' a fascinating volume about the corruption of the American Landscape. Or 'Chicago's Famous Buildings.' Or 'Johnny Tremain,' a kid's book about a kid's life during the US Revolutionary War. But also, there was, while mom and pop were away, sneaking downstairs and listening stoned to Pink Floyd's 'The Piper at the Gates of Dawn:'
'Lucifer Sam, saw your CAT... Always got him by your side, Alwaaays, BY your side...'"
How could boring old Middle School ever compare?
It wasn't long before Johnny Trashcan and Blondie Dreadlocks were attending Urban Youth Institute together. Oh boy!!!

"Schmuck The Autobiography..." "Class Dismissed."

Brad, a volunteer teacher, was calling. “The auto mechanics class has been cancelled,” he said. “What,” exclaimed J.T., “why!?” “Well, it seems you and Darryl Haider threw tempera paint from a third story window onto the sidewalk below. And you did it while you were SUPPOSED to be in my class. Why you want to go and do a stupid thing like that for?” “I, uh, well…” Johnny sputtered into the receiver. “Look Johnny, I’m not mad at you. But it’s kind of a shame, isn’t it? I guess all I can tell you is what I said the first day of class. Remember, Johnny: ‘Intake, Compression, Combustion and Exhaust.’ Those are the four basic principles. Good luck, kiddo.”
“OK Brad, thanks for calling. I’m sorry…”
Hanging out with Darryl Haider was one of the worst mistakes Johnny made during his six months at Urban Youth Institute, a refuge for “softies,” “losers,” “druggies,” and other rejects, all of whose presence taken together led kids throughout the district to refer to it as “Hippie-Dippie High School.” There were however plenty of serious, gifted kids at the institute. Darryl Haider wasn’t one of them; Darryl, everyone agreed, was a dork.
Inscribed into Johnny’s memory with indelible ink is the day he and Darryl skipped school. A fateful day, for Johnny had already “made a date” with the lovely Kerry McIntyre. Kerry liked Jazz too. Kerry had invited Johnny over to the family’s house on Meridian Way to listen to LPs; John Coltrane and Charlie Parker, maybe even Ornette Coleman. Most important, it was Kerry who remarked during Sex Education class that “Sex is MESSY.” That perked up the Trash Can’s ears and made him FOCUS; “How does SHE know THAT!?!” Johnny lacked empirical knowledge of sex between a boy and a girl, but he was interested. VERY interested. Instead, when the day of decision arrived, timid little Johnny agreed in an improvised fashion to skip school with Darryl. And so, after downing some NoDoz in the school gymnasium, the two of them rode the Transit bus to the East Side, furtively ripping up seats with box cutters during the ride. They walked the railroad tracks next to Barber’s Feed Mill on a fine autumn day.
But Johnny had a nagging sense of his own stupidity that whole day. It became a neurosis that bothered him for years afterward; “How could I let my fear of girls…” and “That goddamn stupid Darryl Haider!” and “It’s my own fault, really, eh?” Johnny finally lost his virginity five years later, five long, stultifying years. To this very day, he realizes he “missed the boat,” at least in terms of achieving sexual fulfillment at a “reasonable” age. Reasonable because, aside from the risk of pregnancy, there appeared to be few if any risks. Even in those days before anyone had heard of AIDS, all the kids knew how to get a hold of condoms. And “all the kids,” all the “cool” ones anyway, were doing it. Nobody ever went to Juvenile Detention, as far as Johnny remembers, just for screwing.
Terry McIntyre expressed her disappointment a few days later, and she did it mercifully. She spoke to Johnny in the way practically all us boys soon came to recognize as a clear signal that the girls were, by and large, two to three years more mature.
“Most of the girls were like that,” says Johnny today. “They learned French while so many of the dorks broke windows. They practiced the flute while we smoked dope in the unlocked garage across the street from school. Very few of them were dumb enough to suck Nitrous Oxide from a G-Tank, bless their hearts.
I wonder… whatever became of Kerry McIntyre?”

"Late Bloomer; The Memoirs of a Schmuck"

Johnny Trashcan and Willy Whiterasta stopped in at the "Rapid Rations" store on Venue View Road. Johnny wisely pocketed a piece of Quench Gum for the long night ahead. It came from Berkeley in nice little vials, but the acid he brought along was on Orange Blotter paper, and Sherri Taylor was amazed Johnny shared it gratis. By 10:00 Johnny's trip was so intense, he couldn't read the phone book. Words cascaded through a perceptual cataract, and Satin's number, entered under the name of his dentist father, was attributed to an "Oral Sturgeon." Guess there wouldn't be any smoke to speak of tonight. Bob Farmer's elegant $100,000 domicile was a good place to get together; it was far more luxurious than the typical "white aluminum box," those dull rectangular containers constructed with such prolific abandon all across the "Best Side" during the postwar suburban boom.

Johnny has a truly astounding recall from the Carter Years, so he can attest to the fact that September 1977 marked the start of Hamilton's newspaper-worker strike. Every Hamiltonian who possessed an ounce of political awareness knew there was a boycott on. Much of the citizenry wouldn't be caught dead purchasing either "The Empire Morning Journal" or "The Monument Times," which hit the newsracks in the afternoon. Johnny and Willy took things to the next level; both were 15 years old, into Doctor Feelgood's prescriptions and hardly content to merely refrain from purchasing those informative "scab rags."

Unlike his best friend of 35 years, Willy White-Rasta's greatest talent doesn't reside in possessing an elephantine but highly selective memory. So it's unlikely Willy, who was always the biggest beer drinker of the two, remembers leaving the party on his ten-speed. Johnny, though, will never forget the way the night transpired. Dark and deserted lay the Campus Boulevard convenience store when the boys pulled into the parking lot, a location ripe for mischief.

Recent Reports

Recent reports have indicate an additional 1400 US Marines are being sent to Afghanistan in the coming weeks. This escalation is occurring in light of last year's reports that it costs over $1 million annually to put one US GI on the ground over there. I do place a higher level of blame on the policy makers behind the...ir desks who send soldiers off to kill and be killed than I do on the grunts in the field. But neither can the troops escape with their conscience unscathed, much as that may be desirable for them. Jingoistic saber-ratlling doesn't cut any ice with me. Robert McNamara was right when he ironically told us: "The Human Race needs to think more about killing."

One needs to do the unpleasant introspection: "Are these wars JUST?" I believe they are a flagrant violation of the US Constitution's requirement that the President go to Congress to ask for a declaration of war, if one is really needed. I believe that all of our wars since 1945 have been illegal, under international law as well.
I suggest that everyone who reads this examine their conscience as it relates to the matter of making war. The fact that many soldiers are motivated by a strong sense of duty does not give them some automatic, unqualified moral right to support this war or any other. I happen to know that soldiers take an oath to the United States Constitution. So I think it's incumbent upon all the troops, and the entire population, to determine whether the Afghan or Iraq wars are in accordance with the specific terms of that venerated document. Who among you can credibly argue that they are?