"Late Bloomer; The Memoirs of a Schmuck"

Johnny Trashcan and Willy Whiterasta stopped in at the "Rapid Rations" store on Venue View Road. Johnny wisely pocketed a piece of Quench Gum for the long night ahead. It came from Berkeley in nice little vials, but the acid he brought along was on Orange Blotter paper, and Sherri Taylor was amazed Johnny shared it gratis. By 10:00 Johnny's trip was so intense, he couldn't read the phone book. Words cascaded through a perceptual cataract, and Satin's number, entered under the name of his dentist father, was attributed to an "Oral Sturgeon." Guess there wouldn't be any smoke to speak of tonight. Bob Farmer's elegant $100,000 domicile was a good place to get together; it was far more luxurious than the typical "white aluminum box," those dull rectangular containers constructed with such prolific abandon all across the "Best Side" during the postwar suburban boom.

Johnny has a truly astounding recall from the Carter Years, so he can attest to the fact that September 1977 marked the start of Hamilton's newspaper-worker strike. Every Hamiltonian who possessed an ounce of political awareness knew there was a boycott on. Much of the citizenry wouldn't be caught dead purchasing either "The Empire Morning Journal" or "The Monument Times," which hit the newsracks in the afternoon. Johnny and Willy took things to the next level; both were 15 years old, into Doctor Feelgood's prescriptions and hardly content to merely refrain from purchasing those informative "scab rags."

Unlike his best friend of 35 years, Willy White-Rasta's greatest talent doesn't reside in possessing an elephantine but highly selective memory. So it's unlikely Willy, who was always the biggest beer drinker of the two, remembers leaving the party on his ten-speed. Johnny, though, will never forget the way the night transpired. Dark and deserted lay the Campus Boulevard convenience store when the boys pulled into the parking lot, a location ripe for mischief.