Total Privatization

Dateline January 32, 2020: In his first, bold move towards the "Total Privatization" he promised to implement during the campaign, President Brad Pitt has issued Executive Order 2607921, the "Freedom of Embalming Act." Mr. Pitt has ordered all regulations governing practices employed by American medical examiners to be overhauled, with an eye toward profitability and flexibility. And so today, Mr. Pitt's childhood friend and major campaign contributor Robert "Happy" Blades has been issued the franchise for a nationwide chain of 2718 stores. The "Corner Coroner" will be opening locations in hundreds of strip malls coast-to-coast. Free Enterprise - it's not just the American Way, it's the ONLY WAY!